while you pretend sleeping

all these days i spent with you...
you are always floating - like clouds
as i stay anchored like a yacht
moving with the waves
not letting go of the sand or what i can grip
inspite of your heavy rains and gusty wind
i watch sunsets to remind me of your eyes' beauty
for you are not with me - ever

i can't keep you, i can't.
unlike my earrings that adorn my fragile shell-like flesh from where i listen.
unlike petals of virginal flowers in between pages of heavy books up on the shelf.
unlike a concert ticket of my favorite musician, that i kissed and tucked in my diary.

i can't keep you, i can't.
even if like oxygen, you are as important
even if like water that quench thirst and make us move on.
even if like sun whose rays give birth to a violet in africa.

i can't keep you, i can't.
i'd want to, as the rings surrounding my finger.
i'd like to, as clothes that give warmth to my body.
i'd love to, as my only lover, wrapping your arms around my whole being.

i can't keep you, i can't.
for you are not mine.
for no one can own you.
for only you, are entitled to you.

i could not feel that i am here.
that the tips of my fingers touch keys which bring my words to life.

i could not feel that i am here.
that my eyes see wood and metal and green.

i could not feel that i am here.
that i breathe alone the relative silence of a room with corners.

i could not feel that i am here.
that inspite of the burning sensation in me, I ignore pain.

i could not feel that i am here
that i only hear lines which bring salty droplets of rain and well-up in my eyes

i could not feel that i am here
that i could not think nor comprehend other motions in my system

i could not feel that i am here
that my heart doesn't seem like it beats its hooves enough to make me want to live

i could not feel that i am here
that i float like a clear balloon masking itself with the white clouds

i could not feel that i am here
that to feel is not what i'd like to experience right now